Mama Ramblings

I have been reading all of the Mother's Day posts and figured that since this is my first mother's day with two babies ;) I should probably write something. I am not the poem type. I have sooo many pregnant friends who will surely appreciate my rambling. So- here we go. I am allergic to words like 'miracle', to mothers who loooooove being moms even while covered in poo and being smacked in the face (or who ignore that this ever happens). I have learned that these mothers don't spend 24/7 with their children or have lovely 8 month olds who have not yet entered the world of frustration and power. However, I do think my children are miracles and I often wonder how anyone can not believe in God when they see their child for the first time. I often get jealous of moms who work- staying at home is hard and such a sacrifice. I bribe my child with chocolate- it works! I secretly wish that my child would zone out in front of the tv so I could have a break. Barney helped me through my pregnancy. I do NOT like being pregnant and I was never again so tired as I was when I was pregnant. I try to pick my baby up every few minutes ;) and have to remind myself to talk to him. I once called him 'irritating luggage'- mean. I walked into Beau's school (aka my break) with my shirt on backwards yesterday. I have smelled a bad smell for a few days and it was moldy milk in Leland's neck folds. Leland has had 5 baths in 10 weeks. Having an honest friend to bitch to is priceless. Time flies with the second baby. I do not have the same body I had three years ago and I'm fine with that- I made two people. I still feel like I'm a teenage mother even though I am pushing 30. I often wonder if people are faking happy marriages following the birth of their newest. My house is NEVER clean and I don't care much. The second you think you will lose your mind- something changes and your baby sleeps, gives you a smooch or suddenly has a darling personality. Leland smiles more at his daddy and I'm jealous. Sometimes I look at babies in strollers sitting quietly or watching tv or reading and wonder how Beau is of the same species. Things you think of as your childs weaknesses (control-freak, wild-man) are actually their strengths- it just takes some reframing. I do that daily. I love Beau's dirt fingernails and bruised chubby legs. I should say something that I love about Leland now but I'm not sure who he is yet. Ah well- I love that he is sweet and easy. My two babies have been so different- even in my belly. Finding interesting things to talk to your husband about is impossible- give up and talk about the kids. I care most that my children DON'T think they are the center of the universe. What I want most is for my boys to be good husbands to amazing women. I think having two is better than having one. Children are who they are- it is our job to direct their gifts- what could Beau do with the jumping? Could it make me money? Everything is temporary. The sleep deprivation is the worst part. Some people just have easier kids. Letting your kid cry sucks. Nursing kind of sucks. My children are indeed being raised by a village. I hope to be as beautiful and full of energy when I am a grandmother as my own mother. What I love most is to watch Beau play with his cousins. I pray that they will grow old together. I miss my life before babies and often my husband takes the blame. I believe that raising my children is a spiritual responsibility. God gave us these babies and we will figure the rest out. It probably won't be pretty. I don't read parenting books- I want my children to be raised by imperfect me... I do read about development. The most challenging part of motherhood for me is keeping Beau alive. My sister is an amazing mother. I don't really worry about much. I'm forced to live in every chaotic moment. I love my boys pop-eye arms, their grins that look like their daddy's. I love it that Beau said 'day' instead of yes and that he is most joyful when dancing. I love the idea of them running around the backyard together. I say mean things in the night when Leland cries to nurse. I wouldn't be half the mother I am with out my own mother's help. I want to wish all of my friends a late happy mother's day. I don't always love being a mother. At times I feel trapped by the responsibility and demands. But- it is true that there is no greater gift and I intend to honor that.